SeanFromCanada's Blog

Originally posted on 11.14.13

The elephant grass is 8 feet high. Sharp as hell and thick beyond belief. Dozens of narrow pathways cut through the field form a maze that I navigate by instinct. I’m hunting and lost. The day is hot and my sweat is constant.

I fire my weapon and kill a man. An observer would call it fast and professional. I move forward, increasing my pace. I step over the dead soldier as I would a log. He is nothing…the past.

I feel confident, but the path I’m following intersect another and causes me to slow – this is where the danger lives. I feel movement around me, but can’t place it. The hair raises on my neck, my heartbeat quickens and I know I must keeping moving. So I do.

Things are happening quickly now. I’m covering ground, killing along the way. Green – everything is green. The grass, my fatigues…my world. The edges are fuzzy and I’m totally focused. I feel a confidence now that I know is dangerous – but I don’t slow down. As I make my way along the path, it surprisingly intersects with another, and I overstep the intersection due to my speed. As I look right, time stops. I can see the enemy, and the gun that will surely kill me. I freeze in a knowing moment. I hear the shot. The sinking feeling of certain death – a deep sadness embraces me. Such a shame…I wake up.

Fast forward to November 11, 1970. I don’t know how many days, months or years we fast forward, but that event occurred before I was born. The event replays itself in the form of a recurring dream I’ve had since I was a young boy. It used to be my scariest dream. It’s the only dream I’ve ever had more than once. It’s always the exact same, including the feelings, the shot and the timing of my waking up. Was this my death, in a life before this?

If it was my death, what’s the point? Why replay this scene in my life? What’s to gain…what’s the message?

Okay, I’ll pull out the themes and expose the lesson worth learning…for fun, of course.

The game is high stakes, and I play well within it. I am strong and capable. But there is a cockiness in the confidence I have…and that’s what leads to the mistake. My cockiness causes me to overshoot the path and that exposed me to the enemy…I was easy prey. I was the killer and then I was killed. What a loser.

Okay, lesson learned. For me, being a professional doesn’t include being cocky. You make mistakes when you’re cocky and the cost can be high. Be good at what you do, move forward without ego.

I’ve incorporated this advice into both my professional and personal life. I am a positive and optimistic entrepreneur, so I’m challenged at times to not confuse present day success with an expectation of future success. I hold dear to the mantra of working hard for all I earn, never expecting my ‘raw talent’ to be enough to carry the day.

Confidence is different that cockiness, and I work hard to know the difference.